Do we outgrow our siblings?

Does the fact that we do not choose our siblings affect our ability to form deep connections with them in adulthood?

Hello friend,

I have been busy lately, trying to find a balance between my mundane work and this divine purpose, but perhaps there is no balance, and all else must bow to this ministry of words.

Anyway, in the midst of the chaos, I spotted the most interesting sight- guess what it was?

Here are the options:

If you guessed anything other than twins, you probably have a colourful imagination, and I love that for you. Your friends must love hearing you tell stories because you paint the words as you speak.

I saw twins- Identical adult twins wearing matching outfits.

These ladies matched everything, down to their hairstyles. They even had matching smiles when people asked the obvious, “are you guys twins?”

It was a Thursday morning, and the twins were standing among a group of people trying to get their Permanent Voters Card (PVC) and yet, they decided to wear matching outfits for some reason.

I was fascinated by them and I stood starring at them with a smile plastered on my face while they went about their business.

The next day, I was getting my hair done outdoors when three men passed by, gisting and laughing in good spirits. My hairdresser greeted them and called them brothers, even going as far as greeting them according to their order of existence.

Although the brothers shared similar features, they each had different mannerisms and sense of style.

They seemed more like friends than brothers- but that's an odd statement because shouldn't brothers be friends?

There is reasonable distinction between family and friends, but a lot of young adults form deeper connections with friends than family. The question is why?

DISCLAIMER: I am not a psychologist so I don't have the qualifications to make valid conclusions that can be cited in academic research.

Secondly, if you don't have siblings, it’s okay. This post was never made to make you feel left out. You can run this same test in reference to your cousins or people that you grew up with.

Let's go through the following questions and provide honest responses.

1. When was the first time you met your sibling?

2. Did you like them?

3. When did you realise you couldn’t return them to the hospital and they were a permanent part of your life?

4. When did you realise that love for family is not inherent or automatic, and you have to learn to love them?

5. Do you love your siblings?

6. Why do you love them?

7. Do you have friends that are closer to you than your siblings?

8. What do you wish was different about your relationship with your siblings?

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Photo by Chayene Rafaela on Unsplash

Of course, I love that we can choose our friends (I hope you know that) and whenever those friends become a problem, we can carefully remove them from our space and find new friends (I also hope this is common knowledge)

You can't choose the other people that your parent(s) give birth to and if they become a problem to your peace, you can't get rid of them, you can only distance yourself from them.

Perhaps this affects our ability to deeply connect with them, because when they hurt us, it cuts deeper and we can't delete them from our lives.

Every healthy relationship should have boundaries, but because met our siblings as children, we were too young to set boundaries and establish limits. When we learn about boundaries as teenagers and try to enforce them, our sibling might feel offended or think we are pushing them away. This contributes to the decline in closeness as adults.

I have to ask you, do you consider any of your siblings as a friend?

If your answer is yes, I'd love to know why. Please drop a comment below⬇️⬇️

When you plan your future, is there room for your brother or your sister? Do you plan on hanging out with them when you grow old?

The presence or absence of siblings shape our childhood and sometimes even our perception of ourselves. For example, as a christian, I struggled to understand the dimension of the LORD as EL SHADDAI because I was so used to sharing things with my siblings. Everything I had was also theirs, even my parents. As I grow I faith, I now understand that the Lord can provide for everyone: we have the same father but we are not sharing him because he gives himself wholly to each person who believes.

I'm sure you have some golden memories with your siblings, or did you outgrow those inside jokes? Are you too old to answer your childhood nickname?

Worse, have you forgotten all your childhood memories?

A person with no history is an empty shell, void of personality and lacking depth in emotions.

I have an idea, why not start a new relationship with your sibling?

This time, not just because your parents told you to play together or because you have to share a room, but because you want to know them as an individual.

Have your heard the friends or romantic partners of your siblings describe them and feel confused because the person they are describing is different from the one you know?

In adulthood, I must warn you that the brother or sister that you knew as a child has undergone some serious changes, both good and bad. If you must sustain any sort of bond, you have to get to know them all over again.

You show your friends a lot of patience and love, why not extend some of that to the child of your parent(s).

Pretend you don't know them and restart your relationship all over again, this time, setting boundaries and limits and rules or whatever else you do with people you aren't related to.

Mind you, even your parents didn’t choose your siblings (unless they are adopted, which is beautiful.

I have decided that just because we didn't choose these people in the beginning, doesn’t mean we can't choose them now.

You didn't outgrow your siblings, you just stopped treating your bond with them as a proper relationship, one that needs to be watered and pruned.

Additionally, you might be operating on stale information about your sibling, because whether you like it or not, all of us change as we grow.

Meet your sibling for the first time- as an adult- I promise it will be a discovery.